Self-Abandonment: How We Lose Ourselves and How to Come Back
Self-abandonment is one of those patterns that’s easy to miss because it often looks like being helpful, flexible, or easy-going. On the surface, you might seem like you’ve got it all together. Inside, you may feel disconnected, resentful, or exhausted.
What Is Self-Abandonment?
At its core, self-abandonment means ignoring, dismissing, or overriding your own needs, feelings, or boundaries, often to please others or keep the peace.
This can look like:
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Hiding how you really feel to avoid conflict
- Putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own
- Silencing parts of yourself to fit in
Many people learn self-abandonment early in life as a way to stay safe, accepted, or loved. But over time, it creates a painful distance between who you are and how you show up in the world.
The Cost of Losing Yourself
When you repeatedly put yourself last, you teach your mind and body that your needs aren’t important. This can lead to:
- Chronic stress and burnout
- Low self-worth
- Feeling invisible or unseen in relationships
- A sense of emptiness or loss of identity
Finding Your Way Back
Reconnecting with yourself doesn’t happen overnight, but it starts with small acts of self-honouring:
- Pausing to ask: What do I really need right now?
- Practising saying no without over-explaining
- Allowing yourself to feel your feelings without judgment
- Surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries
Every time you choose yourself in a healthy way, you’re building a new internal message:
My feelings and needs matter - I matter.
Rachel Shaw
Rachel Shaw
